Many of us have been there. In a large meeting, a presentation or even a remote video meeting, the time comes for comments or questions from the meeting participants or audience. You want to speak, but your heart is racing and you feel a cold sweat while you try to summon the courage to make your point before the conversation advances to a new topic. You are afraid that your words will come out wrong, be viewed as off point, or your voice will be shaky disclosing to all attendees that you are nervous and lack confidence. This is one of the most common client concerns that I run into with leaders who are worried that their inability to speak up in various settings will hold back their career. For some people, the nerves depend upon the topic, size of group, age differences, or level of participants in the room. For the most introverted people, this is very anxiety producing and occurs across most settings.
At times, this has been a personal challenge for me. If I am in a group with my peers or direct reports, I can talk freely without any concerns. However, if you throw in a room of senior executives, board directors, or even peers from functions that I am not familiar with, I have definitely experienced these nerves.
Before diving into what you as an individual can do, it is important to point out that ensuring a participative experience is not just the responsibility of the participants. Good meeting leaders should help ensure that people feel safe by encouraging participation and making it as low stress as possible. Knowing your people and who is comfortable and who is not is critical. This is especially true in our diverse work force, where we need all voices heard.
Still, for people who dread speaking up, here are some keys to consider in being more comfortable making your contributions when it is necessary.
Having a reputation as a thoughtful person can be an advantage! When you don’t talk as often, people are more likely to listen to you when you do contribute. Remember that it is okay to be nervous. Nerves can actually help sharpen your mind and make you more alert. Others in the room likely feel the same anxiety that you do.
In our global business world, one scenario that I have come across more often is leaders that are hesitant to speak up because English is their second language. As someone who only speaks English, I can assure you that none of us are judging your English. In fact, we are in awe of your ability to make a point in something other than your native language.
If you know you will be in a situation where you will need to speak up, take some time to get background on the topic and do your homework. Anticipate where the conversation may go. Identify questions you have or points that you think may be important to raise ahead of time. This will help calm your nerves and give you the confidence you need when it is your turn to speak. Obviously, you need to stay with the flow of the conversation and be timely in asking your question or making your points, but this advanced preparation can make you ready when the time is right. Also, practice speaking up in smaller groups before moving on to larger ones. This will help you get used to the feeling of speaking in front of others and help build your confidence. With remote meetings, jumping in with the chat function can be a great way to find your voice.
One type of preparation that can really make a difference is visualization. Top athletes, entertainers, and presenters all practice visualization techniques. Imagine yourself in the meeting with as much detail as possible. Try to imagine the room, or the zoom view, and the people that will be there. Imagine yourself confidently making your points and your contributions being well received. It is amazing how this will help you when the actual time arises.
What is the impact on your ability to do your job or advance your career if you don’t speak up? If you are an individual contributor and satisfied with your current career position, it may not be that important. However, most likely not speaking up when needed can have a significant impact on your ability to do your job and advance in your career. If you have direct reports, it is important that you represent them by making the points from your department’s perspective or asking the questions that provide your team the ability to align with direction. If you plan to advance, it is critical that you are able to demonstrate an ability to make contributions in group settings and make your opinions known. Let this reality help motivate you to be brave and join the conversation.
There is also a negative impact on the rest of the organization by not contributing. According to research on group intelligence, decision quality is influenced by the overall team’s shared knowledge – not by the smartest person in the room. Your idea may well be able to be built on and expanded by others. This is the essence of a team. When you speak up, it boosts your team’s collective intelligence, thus improving its decision-making process.
Your ideas are important and deserve to be heard. Try to tap into the passion you have for your job and focus on your message, rather than your nerves. You are an intelligent person, and your thoughts, opinions, and analysis deserve to be heard. At the point of jumping in, deep breathing can really help. Use the box deep breathing method of four count inhale, four count hold, four count exhale and four count hold. Repeat this breathing a few times while in the meeting and you will be much calmer when it is your time to contribute. We learn through doing and learning from our experience. If you make a mistake, don’t dwell on it. Everyone makes mistakes and the important thing is that you recover and continue on. Others will not remember that you misspoke and the news cycle is very short.
A leadership coach can help you understand more deeply what your personal hurdles are to being a more active participant. We are trained to ask the questions that can give you insight into how your own thoughts may be sabotaging your success. Individual action plans can be developed to help you overcome your concerns.
If you follow these four steps, you will be well on your way to success in speaking up in meetings and presentations. Just remember not to be too hard on yourself, be prepared, and assess the impact of not being able to speak up which will motivate you to go for it! You can do it!